


Not for the first time

by CloseEnoughToNormal



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 12:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20407984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloseEnoughToNormal/pseuds/CloseEnoughToNormal
Summary: Barry has a nightmare and has to remind himself that Lup is still there.





	Not for the first time

Not for the first time, Barry woke up gasping. He was drenched in sweat, his heart was racing and his pillow had some wet patches from where he assumed he had been crying in his sleep.

Not for the first time, he fumbled for his glasses as he tried to get his breathing under control. He ran a hand through his hair to get his sweaty locks away from his face.

Not for the first time, his immediate reaction was to check the spot on the bed next to him where Lup should be.

And, not for the first time, he felt panic rise in his chest when she wasn’t there.

Barry took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He knew the score. He knew his anxiety was lying to him. Lup was fine. She didn’t need to sleep as much as he did and often got bored and went to read or practice new spells in another part of the house so as not to disturb him. She hadn’t disappeared again. He opened his eyes and looked around the room.

_What are five things you can see?_ He thought to himself.

He looked at Lup’s side of the room and counted. One: a pair of his boxers she had worn to bed the night before on the floor. Two: The dress she had worn yesterday discarded in the corner. Three: a pair of her shoes haphazardly kicked off by the door. Four: a glass of water on her bedside table with some lipstick on the rim. Five: Her pillow, still slightly indented from where her head had been only a short time before.

_Four things you can touch?_

He made his way over to her side of the room and picked up the discarded dress on the floor. It was soft and practically slid through his fingers. He folded it absentmindedly and placed it on her side of the bed. Next to the water on the bedside table was a book. He picked it up and took his time to feel the hard, smooth surface of the cover before flipping through the pages up to where her bookmark was. He was happy to see it was a book he had recommended to her some time ago. For all the grief she gave him about being a nerd, she sure was into scientific texts.

Third, he picked up a small plush bear on the floor that he had won her at the solstice festival at the Bureau of Benevolence. She had named it Barry Jr. and kept it near her most nights. Lastly, went to their bookshelf and pulled out something particular that always gave him comfort when he woke up from a nightmare. He pulled out the sheet music they had re-written together after the Day of Story and Song. The music they had written at the conservatory. He felt every sheet of parchment as he played through the melody in his head.

_Thee things you can hear._

He closed his eyes and listened. He could hear the ticking of the clock. He could hear the cicadas outside. And, as he concentrated, he could hear the sound of pots and pans being moved around downstairs. He didn’t know what time it was, but it sounded like Lup was getting ready to prepare breakfast. He smiled to himself. Once he had gained a little more control over himself, he would go downstairs and help, but there were two steps left.

_Two things you can smell._

He picked up Lup’s pillow and held it to his face before taking a deep inhale. It smelled like her shampoo. Floral with a slight scent of vanilla. As he put the pillow down, the smell of coffee began to waft from downstairs. That was two.

_One thing you can taste. _

Finally, he picked up his own glass of water and took a deep drink. It was lukewarm, but refreshing none the less.

Feeling much calmer, he made his way down the stairs. When he walked into the kitchen, he saw her standing over the stove, her back to him. She was cracking eggs on the side of the pan, humming to herself. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a messy braid and she was in one of his old t-shirts.

_I can see her._

He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. She started at first, having not heard him come up behind her, but relaxed into the embrace quickly. She leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up at him, smiling.

_I can feel her._

“You’re up early.” She stated, “Was I too loud?”

He smiled softly and shook his head, “Nah. Just had trouble sleeping. Then I smelled the coffee and you know I can’t resist that”.

She laughed at that. It was one of Barry’s favorite sounds in the world.

_I can hear her._

She turned towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She leaned in and rested her forehead on his. This close to her, he could smell that same scent of her shampoo as was on her pillow, but could also smell the scent that was uniquely Lup’s. Something that reminded him of fire, and heat, and her unbridled joy and passion.

_I can smell her._

He bridged the gap between them then and gave her a gentle kiss. Time stopped momentarily as he moved his lips against hers and she pulled him a little closer to her as she ran her fingers through his hair.

_I can taste her._

When she pulled away, she studied his face briefly. He knew she could tell he had woken up from a nightmare. She had seen it before. The first few months after the Day of Story and Song, they had both frequently woken up screaming or crying , and the other one would do their best to comfort them. When they had no other ideas of how to mitigate the nightmares, Lucretia was the one to suggest the grounding exercises. While the nightmares didn’t go away, it certainly made the aftermath more bearable.

Then, not for the first time, Lup put her hands on either side of his face, and looked into Barry’s eyes. That looks held love and reassurance. “I’m here, Bar.”

Not for the first time, he gave her a small smile and nodded, “I know. I love you, Lup.”

“I love you too”.

She gave him one more quick kiss before turning back to cook breakfast while he poured both of them a fresh cup of coffee. He could feel the panic of moments ago subsiding as they slipped into the domestic routine they both had always secretly hoped for, but could never be certain they’d get.

And as Barry fetched the plates for their breakfast, he glanced at the woman he loved and thought, not for the first time, how lucky he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fanfiction in like, 10 years so it was extremely nerve-wracking to put this into the world, but I hope you like it!


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